hey bianca, happy 19th birthday. i know things are rough between us and i don't want to ruin your birthday because it's your big day. i really hope you have the best birthday ever and get to spend time with your family and friends. i hope you enjoy the time with your mom and if you ever feel like it, i'd love to know what you did.
but hey, i just wanted to address the elephant in the room. i know im in philippines right now and this website probably isn't gonna help change things that much between us, i already know that. i hurt you really badly and i deserve it and it sucks that i cant be there for your birthday. but even just a little bit, i just wanted to show you that i want to try with you bianca. im really sorry i fucked up badly.
my head was just so messed up and i didnt know what i wanted, and i made a huge mistake. i hurt you really badly, like really badly bianca and you dont know how much guilt i feel everyday about it. you were everything i ever needed and you were right that things couldve been so simple with us and i made it so much more complicated than it needed to be. i really do love you, i swear you are the girl that i want so much you do make me so happy its just that i was too dumb to realize that and being unsure ruined everything between us and trust me i hate myself for it everyday like you're the most perfect girl in the world and i dont know why i did what i did.
telling you about my pornography addiction and lust has really helped me bianca, it felt like weight has been lifted off my shoulders but it also ruined us and i wanted to apologize. i plan to take therapy about it so i can overcome it and hopefully, if you ever give me a second chance again, to be the person you deserve. thats all i want bianca, i want to be the person you deserve and i will become that. you deserve someone loyal, someone honest, and someone that will take care of you and i failed at that. i was too dumb to realize how perfect i had it and i regret it so much. if you ever did give me a second chance, i promise you that i will become the person you deserve and i will never lie to you ever again because you dont deserve that i swear to god. i will always be loyal and take care of you bianca, i really do want to spend the rest of my life with you and i know what i want. i dont want the freedom that i was so unsure about because as you said its temporary pleasure. what i had with you is real, a future family, a girlfriend, a future wife, future vacation plans and i ruined it i know.
i just hope you can find it in your heart to ever forgive me and give me a second chance because i promise you that i am so sorry and i will become the man you deserve because you didn't deserve this. i know that i cant make you trust me right away and it will take time and im okay with that, i will show you that i am taking actions for you to trust me. i expect you to have moments where you hate me, dont want to talk to me, or anything like that and its okay, thats totally fine, but i just want you to know that im always gonna be here to fix that. i really am sorry bianca, i hurt you so badly and i know it. i really love you so much.
i hope you really enjoy your birthday today bianca because you deserve it for how unhappy i made you recently. i hope you smile, spend time with your family or friends and have your favourite cake. i hope you get the gifts you want. happy 19th birthday bianca, i love you.
